Sutton Town Council found themselves obliged to respond to Councillor Rob. He was concerned that the vast hoard of wealth accumulated by Sutton Council ought to be retrieved from the ‘Airy Fairy’ column and placed at very least in a pre-shovel ready column..
Residents might not be aware that half a million of their hard earned is sitting under the heading ‘Park Enhancements’. The money is ‘earmarked’. Apparently in stone.
The rumour that this is eventually intended to fund a statue to be erected celebrating the glorious contribution to Civic Matters of Councillor Ward is almost certainly untrue.
But try, as Councillor Rob did, to get to the bottom of ‘enhancements to Sutton Park’ and you will witness a serious plague of decapitated chickens.
The Mayor took some time to assemble her bearings here, but eventually managed to call Cllr Horrocks to respond. And respond she did. She took the line of disappointment. She saw Rob’s contribution as a symptom of his unwavering support of the Birmingham City Council at the expense of Sutton Parish Council. We were embarking of another session of Greatest Hits.
Councillor Ward was next. He was also disappointed but aghast that a perfectly presented Strategic Plan should be abused thus. What would be the point of spending time and energy inventing stuff to enhance Sutton Park. It is already the jewel in our crown.
Councillor Wood joined in. Just. The Mayor nearly missed him. Didn’t have much to say but he badly wanted his elbows dipped in the available blood.
But then came the Star Turn. Councillor Allan gave us his President Trump. It was an urgent verbal ramble to nowhere in particular. Coherent in parts it gave tongue to a passionate hymn to the talents and achievements of, well, everybody (almost) and claimed an approval rating of 99.9 per cent. Which is a lot. He was adamant that the Council stand fast in resisting an unprincipled raid on the residents gold.
The Mayor, lost in admiration for the quality of the ‘debate’, called Cllr Mackay. He was not disappointed, he was angry. And plunged into the urgent necessity of holding spare funds to cope with Covid? And feeding the hungry.?? And the poor.??? It wasn’t quite ‘Dig for Victory’ but there was a definite hint of froth dribbling down his ample chin.
And finally we had Cllr Cairns. We were now into serious scapegoating. The funds must be secure from Pocock the Marauder. And spendthrift to boot.
Sadly there was no opportunity for Cllr Rob to reply. The Greatest Hits were to go unchallenged. The Mayor wanted the matter to go away. There existed, nonetheless the poisonous idea that noone had the ghost of an idea what the enhancements were to be.
But the Headless Chickens were spent. Their (our) money was safely back in the cocoa tin.
It could be a big big statue.
Jackwatchman
Roger drew the short straw. Someone had to stand up and observe the post-count courtesies.
Councillor Mr Tory had done his bit. Chock full of amiable platitudes, and earnest gratitude, he even managed a mild reference to us – we had kept him amused.
Fair enough, they had won. No quite on the scale of the whooping dancing hollering, fist pumping exuberance but they had won.
Roger came to the microphone.
He was dignified. Quiet and slightly regretful.
Those who had worked uncomplaining through the night were properly acknowledged. He paused, then went on to reflect on the enormity of the national picture.
He regretted the survival of the more heinous acts inflicted on the poorer communities. He was sad that the Bedroom Tax would be further visited upon those not able to resist the order to move home.
He sympathised with those compelled to accept the grudging and infrequent sustenance offered by the Food Bank.
He saw with genuine concern that the true victims of austerity could anticipate even more grief And the proceeds of that grief was destined for the pockets of those implicit in the cause of the crash. The helping hand was to be withdrawn, the crutches had been broken, the disabled pointed toward the door marked gainful employment. Social housing would be transferred to those who could afford the keys.
It was powerful. The suits listened.
For one fleeting moment, one wondered if there existed, within their ranks, perhaps a sliver of recognition of the pain to come.
And then, reality kicked in.
There was none…………………..
The most shocking thing of all? They didn’t know what he was talking about.
JACKWATCHMAN
Word is that instructions have come out from HQ. All Candidates must adopt ‘Pumped Up’. Now
Sad that Our Boy initially got this round his substantial neck – he appeared at the British Chinese Project Hustings as Bob and Builder. This came as something of a surprise to his hosts. The picture suggested the it came as something of a surprise to him too. The scowl looked genuine.
Anyway. On Tuesday he is to make a much anticipated appearance before the curious citizens of Sutton Coldfield. His wardrobe is the subject of fevered speculation. It is running the chosen name of brand new royal sprog a close second on the bookies blackboards.
You will well understand that Bob the Builder has gone out to 33-1. City Gent is currently 25-1. There is hot money running for a variation on the Freddie Mercury look – pure white vest on a mild tan – worth a small investment at 15-1. Given his master’s obsession with the Scottish Question, one or two wags have asked for the price of the full tartan regalia. For the record this stands at some hundreds to one. Boring ‘weekend in the country’ is the favourite. Never was one to take much of a chance. Hardly worth a punt.
You can however be absolutely certain that sleeves will be rolled up. You can also be certain that there will be a blizzard of statistics on ‘the labour legacy’, the alleged similarity of the Greek economy and the UK, the certainty of a referendum on Europe (without ifs or buts), the new halt to be called on immigration, the necessity of sticking with the long term plan (which came into being with the failure of the short term plan).
He is unlikely to mention foodbanks. Or the reliance of hard working families on the vulnerable benefits system.
Just enjoy the show.
JACKWATCHMAN
We used to play football all day long. Big teams, literall; a lot of people and heavy youths. Coats for the goalposts?- done all that. Next goal winner?– times without number.
If noone else was around we’d play keepy-uppy. An innocent pastime – just keep the dammed thing from touching the floor. Posers could do it with both feet. Get above fifty and you were a legend.
Mitchell has obviously been told to demonstrate his ‘man of the people’ origins. Managed to get himself on Youtube with a round ball. This presumably was the work of the PR Department.
‘We’re losing, nothing works, get out and make like ordinary people’. ‘Now’.
So out he comes with football and demonstrates his familiarity with keepy-uppy.
It was so bad it made ‘Have I got news for you.’
Pathetic doesn’t do it justice. A couple of keeps and no uppies at all.
His boss displayed like tendencies over the weekend. Forgot he was a lifelong Villa supporter and name-checked West Ham. Easy to confuse them. One is an underachieving ambitious side aggressively coached by a manager obsessed with the long ball to Tarzan-like individual up front.
The other is West Ham United.
I understand Mitchell was asked which side he supported.
He maintained it was Manchester Rovers.
Nobody said anything.
JACKWATCHMAN
Roy is generally known to be a wise old bird.
Roy has been doing elcctions since he was in short trousers.
Seen it all. Disappointment, heartache, outright euphoria. And Tony Blair.
There isn’t much Roy doesn’t know about elections. He has lived it.
So when Roy turns his beak to the wind; when Roy feels the tremor through his toes as he tramps the streets; when Roy interprets the exact positioning of the tea leaves…. Best to take notice.
Best not walk away with any notion that the old man has had one too many from the tasty Rioja bottle kept beneath the stairs. This man knows a thing or two. Hawks and handsaws don’t come close.
Now……..(Strictly entre nous.)
He has put some money down.
Mr Ladbroke is, right now, holding a substantial investment of his on the Sutton Coldfield Labour candidate in the forthcoming election. Mr Ladbroke was subsequently seen on his knees with his nicely manicured hands clasped firmly together. He had offered odds of one hundred to one.
Members might be well advised to unzip their sporran and climb on board.
If Mr Ladbroke comes to his senses the opportunity might well diminish.
Not that Roy could give a tuppeny toss.
JACKWATCHMAN
Difficult decision for us. In the circumstances.
Local Kippers have been busying themselves in the Town Centre.
UKIP posters have been adhering to public railings but…..and this is the interesting bit…….they have been and gone by 5pm.
The scamps.
Two thoughts come to mind.
a) They have the resource both to put the posters up and to take them down. This is what distinguishes the Kippers from the Nasties. They are younger and there are more of them.
b) They take an impish delight in being seen to trangress rules which apply to other people. This is the Prince Charles theory of public duty seen in some quarters as refreshing and ‘anti-red tape’.
What should we do?
UKIP have not gone to the trouble of setting up shop in Sutton Coldfield to drive a dagger into the heart of Comrade Pocock’s prospects.
Their quarry is the posh guy – Mr Selfie often spotted in the streets of the local paper.
So…………..Should the Party play the responsible card and appeal to the referee? Should it take action itself amending each message in bright red poster paint? Spelled correctly. Should it ask UKIP HQ for more posters and help them out?
We could ignore.
JACKWATCHMAN
Dropped in to the local Morrisons, I only went in for an Easter Egg.
It’s on the verge of closing. The dread list included them and it will only be a matter of weeks.
This is a tragedy for the staff who are personable, polite, helpful and cheery. It wasn’t their fault.
Not was it their fault that they are enduring the death throes of the Coalition. Who have trumpeted the ‘news’ from their spinners that they have created one thousand jobs per day since they slunk into power.
No matter. A job is, like they say, a job. Better to be in than out, better to have a zero hours contract than a no hours contract. This, I have to say, thankfully, was not a preoccupation of my generation.
There was something else.
They were wearing bunny ears.
I tactfully lowered my gaze. Was this, I wondered, local enthusiasm from a bright and bubbly staff team determined to be optimistic despite the gathering gloom.
Or was it the final indignity forced upon the little people unable to resist the corporation juggernaut? Needing the job, needing the prospect of a transfer, needing not to rock the sinking boat.
Unpersuaded, perhaps, by the breezy self confidence of a man untroubled by the shallow experience of landing a proper job.
JACKWATCHMAN
There will be no holding of noses. There will be enthusiasm.
There will be belief.
In the rightness of the cause.
All of them.
There will be no bevying. There may be the occasional social swallow. But not with the Nasties.
There will be leafleting.
There will be no denigration. There will be an even handed consideration of the opposing view. It will be courteous, it will be fair. It will be kind.
Despite the obvious deep rooted flaws at the heart of their pathetic attempts to justify half a decade of failed short term planning now transformed into long term planning.
No advantage will be taken of the travails of the incumbent. No mention will be made of the altercation with PC Rowland nor the huge transfer from incumbents trousers into those of the maligned PC.
We would be tempted to charge the Nasties with dismantling the legal protection afforded the Green Belt then fully supporting the Sutton Charities.
But in the end…………………
Just listen. To David Cameron.
This man is articulate beyond dreams. Cultivated, urbane, he exudes the advantages of his background.
But.
Spot what’s missing.
Bang on!
INTEGRITY.
JACKWATCHMAN
We attended the consultation meeting at Yenton Primary School. About the future of Birmingham.
And Sutton.
Good turnout. Ifor, the man from the Council took the early shift – explained the basis for the reorganisation of Birmingham. This was a bum rap. This was not going to be a showstopper.
For all that Ifor’s delivery lacked any and every sense of excitement, of setting off down dangerous paths, of forging our future amid the perils of dark and threatening times.
More of a Powerpoint man is Ifor. Get the words out, then take some questions.
The Labour Party was fielding 100% of its serving Sutton Coldfield Councillor.
This was not the experience of the Nasty Party. (There was some idle speculation that they had further to come.) Their tally was a brave 9%. One might have thought a public discussion on the the prospects of a Sutton Town Council, not to mention an impending Boundary Commission investigation, and a couple of interjections on the Green Belt might, just might, have impelled our representatives to peep through the keyhole.
It was not to be.
And those who did appear wore expressions likely to turn milk sour in the further reaches of Wylde Green.
When it came to break out into syndicates they duly broke. The final summary of an interesting evening saw each syndicate reported back to the main body.
This did not include the Nasties. They had gone home.
Listening never was not one of their strongpoints.
JACKWATCHMAN
We were sure that the Tories were up to something. A serving Councillor was to be defenestrated. He would be resigning. Not up to it. A bye-election would be the result. In Newhall.
For a moment this gave rise to intense speculation on dirty tricks from the Nasty Party. Obvious that they would deny everything. They did. Obvious that they would line a candidate up. They did. Obvious that it would be of the male gender. Tick. And not from round here. Not sure. They may spring a surprise here.
But then. A bombshell!
The doomed guy (sic) chose not to vote on the Budget Debate in Birmingham. Fair enough, it’s not as if it could make any difference. Doubtful the constituents would notice. His initiative, however, was closely followed by two others. From the shallow end of the pool.
Councillor Underwood and Councillor Waddington also decided not to trouble the Budget Scorer.
What were we to make of this?
Was the senior end of the Nasties coming apart? Were they coming to terms with the error of their ways? Was this a protest?
It is, in my view, (as Mr Shankly once said) more serious than that.
They obviously wanted to articulate their heartfelt rejection of Mr Mitchell’s intention to stand in the pending election.
Their action would be intended to head off the implosion of the Tory vote in May.
Mr Mitchell is damaged goods. Mr Mitchell had taken to swearing at Policemen and losing libel cases.
There is but one way to escape political oblivion in Sutton Coldfield. He must be gone.
How best to get the message over?
A double sacrifice play! The girls taking one for the team.
We do sincerely hope this ploy is unsuccessful.
JACKWATCHMAN
jackwatchman 